I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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