Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
