So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is Oprah even human
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
