You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
