I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
