Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize