genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
