In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
