a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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