Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
