Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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