All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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