am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
