At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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