Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
