What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize