The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
