Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You made out with two different species that night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
