the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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