Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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