Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize