I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
