I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
