TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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