woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
