All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
