gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
