I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
