Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
