Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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