The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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