Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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