Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
