I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
