Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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