this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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