You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
