I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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