Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
