Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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