thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize