pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
this is an emotional support booty call
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
