12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
