dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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