I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My cat gives me a boner
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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