i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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