i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need water and some morals
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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