One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
