I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
