Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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