so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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