I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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