somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i barfeds in our rink
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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