And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
