Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
