did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
