my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
