i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
