"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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