if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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