I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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