Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
