Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
