I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize