Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Even my vagina gasped.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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