Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
