My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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