I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
