Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
