You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
