I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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