i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
